


Bilbo Tries His Best

by IAmSorry__sendmeaprompt



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Battle of Five Armies, Battle of Five Armies - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Consort Bilbo Baggins, Courting Rituals, Courtship, Dwarf Courting, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Dwarf/Elf Relationship(s), Elf Culture & Customs, Everybody Lives, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fíli Lives, Fíli and Kíli Brotherly Love, Humor, Idiots in Love, Insecurity, Kíli Lives, Kíli/Tauriel Fluff, Legolas Greenleaf & Tauriel Friendship, M/M, Misunderstandings, Thorin Is an Idiot, kiliel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:54:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29947533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmSorry__sendmeaprompt/pseuds/IAmSorry__sendmeaprompt
Summary: Kili wants to court Tauriel. Tauriel wants to court Kili. Both of them are oblivious and insecure, and it's up to poor Bilbo to help them figure it out.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Kíli (Tolkien)/Tauriel (Hobbit Movies)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Bilbo Tries His Best

**Author's Note:**

> YALL I HAVE A TUMBLR NOW come see me at nebulous-bondage

Bilbo Baggins, Consort Under The Mountain, was puttering around his and Thorin’s rooms, sorting out his doilies and planning the final details of the welcoming feast for the delegation of elves coming to visit, when Kili burst into the room.

“Uncle Bilbo,” the young dwarf panted, “I need your help.”

Bilbo instantly snapped to attention, scanning Kili over for injuries as his mind raced with potential scenarios. The orcs had come back - no, the elves were waging war again thanks to something his idiotic husband had done. “What is it?” he demanded as he hurried over to Kili and peered at him.

“The scouts that went out to meet the elves have returned,” Kili told him. “And Tauriel is accompanying Prince Legolas!”

Bilbo smiled fondly. He, much like many other residents of Erebor, knew of the not exactly subtle torch the younger prince carried for Tauriel. He had, in fact, witnessed some of their interactions firsthand, and had to concur that they seemed an unlikely but well formed match.

“And what would you have me help you with?” he asked.

“You have read many books by and about the elves, have you not?” Kili fidgeted with the end of a braid, clipping and unclipping the tiny silver bead on the end of it.

“Don’t fidget,” Bilbo reminded him, “you’ll undo your hair. And yes, I have.”

Kili stopped fidgeting for about five seconds, then started up again. “Can you tell me how to court Tauriel,” he blurted out in a rush, casting his eyes downward.

“What was that?”

“Can you teach me the Elvish ways of courtship?”

Well. So Kili had finally decided to act upon his feelings. Bilbo, having grown up in a close-knit town full of meddlesome Hobbits, was more than happy to take his nephew under his wing. “Well, first you must show her your skill in craft, and await her response. You continue to gain her affection and, if her guardian approves the courtship, and you decide to marry, you will fashion a clasp of moonstones to hold the wedding braid in her hair. Now, you must keep in mind that the elves hold dear the concept of soulmates, so if she doesn’t believe you’re the one for her, that’s that.”

Kili looked distraught. “But I love her!”

“Don’t you worry, lad, she loves you too.”

***

”My craft,” Kili murmured as he paced the stone hallway. “What is my craft?” He could forge, of course, but he was no better than any other dwarf. 

“Fili,” he exclaimed, whirling around and tripping over his brother, who was walking up behind him.

“Kili, there you are! Uncle is looking for you.” Fili was looking rather frazzled, his moustache coming unwoven. He’d probably been rushing all over looking for Kili.

“What’s my craft?”

“What? Uh, I should say archery. Are you going to see Uncle now, or would you like me to act as your messenger raven once again?” Fili was irritated, but Kili brushed him off. He could apologize to his brother later. For now…

“I shall make her a bow,” he declared, and took off toward a workroom.

It took roughly forty hours to craft a good dwarven bow, even with his nimble fingers and chants of powerful words that aided the process greatly, so Kili spent the first two days or so of the elvish visit more or less holed up working on the bow, leaving his brother and Bilbo to cover for him.

***

Bilbo was pouring tea and pulling lemon scones out of the oven when a soft knocking came at his door, and he scurried to open it. “Tauriel,” he exclaimed, surprised to see the elf standing outside, looking uncharacteristically nervous.

“Consort Baggins,” she said, inclining her head and shifting nervously on her feet.

“Oh, please, just Bilbo is fine,” he fussed, ushering her through the door. “Now, what can I do for you?”

Her jaw clenched. “It… bothers my pride to ask this of you.” She gently set her cloak on the trunk by the door as Bilbo indicated, and moved further into the room, settling herself somewhat awkwardly on a dwarf-sized chair.

“Would you care for some tea?” he asked, already pouring her a cup.

“Please.”

Once Bilbo was settled in across from her, both with a scone and a mug of tea, he fixed her with a gentle gaze, hoping to encourage her to talk.

After a moment, she did. “I feel as though Kili is avoiding me. Have I done something to spurn his affections?”

Ah, so that was what this was all about. Bilbo snorted, thinking of the foolish stubbornness of dwarves, and their sheer inability to communicate. “No, he’s not feeling spurned. I can’t say much more than that, it’s his to tell, but you can rest assured that he still adores you.”

She flushed to the tips of her pointed ears. “And, if it does not overstep my bounds, may I ask another question?”

“Of course,” Bilbo answered, crunching down on a scone.

Tauriel shifted in her seat. “You are wedded to the King Under The Mountain.”

“I am, although I don’t think that was your question.”

She chuckled. “No. I mean to say, you have had experience with dwarven courting rituals. I was hoping you could enlighten me? I wish to court Kili, but I confess I know nothing of his traditions.”

Bilbo sighed. It looked like it was going to take a lot of planning, interference, and tea to get this particular couple together without treading on any toes or disrespecting any traditions. “All right,” he said. “First, you must fashion for him a courting bead, as a declaration of affection. If he wears it in his hair, he has accepted your offer of courtship. Then you must gift him with personalized gifts, fashioned by your own hand. You must show your strength to him, and if he accepts your efforts, you two can be wed.”

Bilbo took a minute to be grateful that he had the information and could explain it in a reasonable way. When Thorin had tried to court him, he’d simply shoved the bead into Bilbo’s hand and bolted, leaving Bilbo to wallow in confusion.

Eventually he’d made it down to the kitchen to bake his confusion away, and Bombur had explained the entire mess to him, but still. He hoped Tauriel would have it much easier.

***

That hope quickly proved to be futile, as the pair of them managed to be completely obtuse as to the other’s intentions. Kili finished his bow before Tauriel completed the courting bead, and had attempted to give it to her.

“I couldn’t do it,” he groaned, slumping over Bilbo’s work table with his head in his hands. “What if she says no?”

Bilbo nudged him over so that he could knead the dough for rosemary herb bread. “You’re on my workspace,” he said gently when Kili didn’t get the hint, then left a smudge of flour on the dwarf’s nose. 

Kili didn’t move. “What if she hates it? What if she hates  _ me?” _

“She will love it, and she already loves you. Just try. Here, have a cookie.”

Half an hour later, Tauriel was in the armchair, Kili having vacated the room. She toyed with a tiny, intricate bead. It was rose quartz, she explained, for everlasting love. It was silver, with tiny vines trailing around it, the chips of quartz forming flowers for them. On one side, the vines formed the crest of the House of Durin, and on the other, that of the House of Finwë of the elves. It was exquisite craftsmanship, and the attention to detail was exemplary.

“I can’t give it to him,” she said, staring at the bead. “I can’t.”

Bilbo sipped his tea. “Why not?”

“The- the design. It’s too Elvish. He’s a dwarf, not one of my people, surely he’ll want something more… manly.”

“It is beautiful, Tauriel. And he will love it because you made it for him,” Bilbo reassured her, mentally tacking on ‘now go give it to him already’.

“I don’t know,” she mused. “Are you sure he’ll like it? I don’t think I’ll give it to him yet.”


End file.
